+| Embrace da' vices. Feed your addiction |+

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Junior. Ish. Very. Very Sad.

Sobx.

Bloggie.. bloggie.. tell mi y am i feeling so sad? i shld be happy rite? but dunno y... fell so emotionally down... i got a caring and nice brother.. so so ok ok parents.. grp of cr8zi but concerned fwens.. gd nice ppl for class mates.. a reali kewl gf.. a reli kwel bf too.. but y do i feel lyk im missing sumthing? i feel soo lost... bloggie bloggie... can u tell mi y?

sad. i knew him for lyk a month le? hmmmx.. nvr pay much attention to counting da days go by.. well i shld rite? haix.. dunno y, stil nt sure y ish he stil angry with mi... sobx sobx.. izzit sumthing i did or say? :( hmmmz... reali no idea!!

im senile..... serious..... i reali am...... haix.....

sumtyms i wish, wen i slp, n wen i w8 up, all my problems will go away. far far away... mayb lyk it'll juz liquidate or vanish. *poof*! yeps. y is it tt ppl oways have problems? thy solve one, den anthr pops out, den anthr and anthr and anthr... its nvr ending!!

not alot ppl know i am manipulative. trust mi. those in sch do not wanna noe wad i do to my "subordinates/slaves" hmm, card fwens? c! im bad alreadi... ... oh no... haix.. im trying very very hard to b nice to dem, but thr is too much politics involved!! i wonder y... do i complicate matters or am i complex? ya. but i need to protect myself frm all thier backstabbing all thier ploys... haix... so... i need to be at the top of the food chain whr thy bow down to mi. bleahx. ok, i did it. but did i find happpiness? ya!! "fake & shallow" happiness... thy r soo fake. i noe thy h8 mi, but thy dare not offend mi juz in case i decide to unleash my wrath on them... bleahx. oh well.

"helping others means harming urself" trust tish Quote. it ish reali true. wen i tink of some gd deed i did, sumthin bad oways happen to me in da end... well mayb im reali reali a suay person... hahax. but wad gd is thr wen i gt retribution in da end? grrx. god do u h8 mi? okie. seems lyk u do. :(

at least i got rach, angel, mich, zen, hansel, ling, etc. mani mani fwens! sowi if i missed out anyone... well.. thnks for c-ing mi grow... well nt physically, but mentally too... ya. i reali luv u guys. u were all thr wen im sad, down, u share my happy moments, we share our hagen daaz ice cream! we share angry pinch fights! we share everything! reali reali luv u guys! fwens kinda luv. hahax. don tink too much! i wonder wad will i do without u guys! rach u oways cheer mi up. angel u are oways so caring, zen ge ge u are juz thr 4 mi 24/7!, hansel bullies mi literally but ya, he cares! hahax. other fwens lyk dou dou si-ting melissa min min valerie n othrs i missed are oso thr wen i need'd thier help n support! luv ya guys n gals too! :)

hazel we've been together for 4 mnths... we shared our fair share of ups n downs.. wrong left turns and right turns... yeps. i learn to accept u as u are. imperfect. being perfect means i wont c u makin funni faces, gettin into squabbles... hahax. alot. yeps. ur imperfection is beauty in my eyes. u light up my life. u bring soul to my life. hmmmx. i sound sooo chim -ology! haha. yeps. i stil cant tink mi so so cr8zi n kiddo-ish (new word invented by Zen) can type such meaningful stuff! n sooo long somemore!! yeps. luv ya lots hunni! 5.1.2.

[Hazel hunni luvs Junior Icecream!]

Calvin... hmmx... haahaa... yeps. i dunno y. he's reali reali nice. too nice to be true. i reali have no idea wad to say.. reali sad. we've known each othr a month, happy oways... ok.. he n i can b Qt stoopid at tyms.. haha.. bleahx. but i wonder... wad r we quarreling abt now? izzit abt mi or him? or both of us? oh no... can i run away from tish problem? i reali reali h8 running away... but... y is he soooo confused about? sobx sobx. reali missed him alot. he's become lyk a part of my life. friday would be either him or Embargo/China Black. of corz being with Calvin would be sooo much more fun... kinda quitted my clubbin ways... im a good boy!! bleahx.

calvin u are da crayonx im da paper! u color mua life r.a.i.n.b.o.w!

*Calvinola Crayons! Bleahx.

haix... bloggie bloggie... can u ask Cal nt to b angry with mi? i luv him lots as much as he luvs mi... but y are we having this cold war? this suxs. shld i cont'd with tish relationship? bleahx. i hope i do. i don wanna lose a cloz cloz fwen. bf actually. haha. muAcks! [im str8!! grrx. idiot Roy. i do bear deep grudges. deep deep grudges.] so sad... for da past few days we sms, tok, msn, sooooo way little, he is lyk totally edging out from my life... sobx... mayb i shld ask him. shld we cont'd or put an end to it? im getting tirrrrrreeedddd.... reali reali tirrrreeedddd... i don care wad others tink reali. we either stay together or go separate. bu i nvr ask. scared of knowing the answer. whether positive or negative. thr is a downside to events. i reali don wanna noe. i'll rather he tell mi. hmmmxx miss him sooo much... muAcks dear! luv ya lots!

wonder y calvin doesn't wanna fully forgive mi... so sad... worst is i stil dunno wad i did wrong. ok. i tink i got da frustration out!! thnks bloggie! muAcks! heex. i luv my blog. it works as a "word" punching bag. my anti-depressant for da day!! muAcks bloggie!

well... i wonder can i *try* to be cheerful... well i shld!! im seeing my classmates! i shld b!! seeing my grp of gd fwens aft sch!! mayb my stats teacher brian!! mayb hazel!! mayb kor!! mayb calvin!! mayb anyone!! i muz b happy!! becoz every smile :) brings bac mani happy moments. every frown :( brings sadness to othrs.
so muz smile :) more to bring happiness! :)